Time, Money, Children ~ and my heart

"How we spend our time, how we spend our money, and how we raise our children." 

That phrase is ingrained in my mind, as being three things about which I was told missionaries typically judge each other.  I think it goes beyond missionaries judging other missionaries; these are three areas where people in sending churches tend to judge missionaries as well.

• Have you ever found yourself wondering how that missionary family could allow their child to wear that outfit/ go to that college/ listen to that music/ or do x, y, or z? 

• Have you ever found yourself wondering why that missionary drives a certain car or wears a certain brand of clothing? 

• Have you ever found yourself wondering how a missionary could take a certain vacation or spend an evening having family game night instead of leading a Bible study ~ or on the flip side wondering why they never take vacation or never have a game night, but spend every night at Bible study? 

The first thing I have learned is that we often don't know all the facts.  A simple question (if asked from a non-critical heart) could lead to new facts that could change our whole perspective. 

The second thing I have learned is that we all have assumptions.  We might not be able to articulate them, but we have them. 

If I were to learn that my missionary friends drive such a nice car because someone gave it to them, would I be less critical?

If I were to learn that they received a sizable inheritance and used a small part of it (or scrimped and saved and chose not to spend money on other things but used it) to buy a car that would serve them well and not break down, and one which is new enough that after 12 months and 36,000 miles it would still have a high re-sale value, would I still be critical?

Or would I say, "That's smart thinking!"  Or would I say, "But, still! They shouldn't drive it because then people get the wrong impression."  

What do those various reactions say about my assumptions?

Is my assumption that my missionary friends need to drive a car at least one notch below my own car?  Is my assumption that my missionary friends need to look at least one notch less fashionable than I look?  Is my assumption that my missionary friends need to be busier than I am?  What are my assumptions?

And what is the biblical response?

If there is a problem, hopefully we (in the sending church and our missionary friend) want to change.  If the problem is with my assumptions or my critical heart, I want people speaking into my life, pointing me to biblical principles and the ways that they perceive I am living in unbiblical ways.  If the problem is with my missionary friend, I hope he or she also wants people speaking into his or her life in that same way.

I suggest that the first biblical response is to ask God to search my heart and show me my sin (sin of a critical spirit and/or sin of unbiblical ways I am living).  A second biblical response is to invite those around me to address my own habits of how I spend my time, how I spend my money, and how I raise my kids.  After that, a third biblical response is to cultivate our friendship in such a way that I can ask non-threatening, non-critical, questions of my missionary friends.

What are the hot spots in which you find it easy to judge others? What have you learned about responding in a biblical way?